a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
