We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need a burrito and a hug.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
