Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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