he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
