i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
