I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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