awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
