okay pat passed out under dana's car
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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