How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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