I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize