she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
