his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
