i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
