He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
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He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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