Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
