He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
