The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
