Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
