He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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