do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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