the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
