What did we do last night that was yellow?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this just has baby written all over it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Everclear isn't food dammit
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
