I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
