He is such a slut. More and more my type.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I intend to get homeless drunk
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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