New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
