Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
