ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
