The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
