why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
