Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
