Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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