You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
