i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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