I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Is it penis luge time yet?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
