if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
