I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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