halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
