Dual....:-)
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
