what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
