Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
