PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
