I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
