i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I'm really busy with my period
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