So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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