Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
