I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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