If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This toilet bowl is my home.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
