Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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