I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
