hotel room ftw
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am available for nakedness
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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