I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
