some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
