I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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