I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pants are for mortals
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
