cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
