I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
