she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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