I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
