Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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