shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
