My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
