R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
