I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Vodka?
Forever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
