All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
