Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
