I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
