At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
