I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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