I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
love makes seman taste better
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
