woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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