it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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