You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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