I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
