and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
