Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
