I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
