I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
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You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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