come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
