Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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