dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
